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I got the job
I went in interviewing for a receptionist position and now Iapos;m the assistant manager I guess Iapos;m finally going somewhere with this theatre thing
I started work this past Thursday, and all I have been doing is buying and assembling furniture. Itapos;s pretty neat since we are building this office from the ground up, and it can be called OUR office. All the employees, there are 6 of us (all students), had a say in what the office should look like, what kind of desk they want, etc. We are a bit limited on budget, but I think it will be cool to decorate and make the place look less like a basement and more like a professional office
I was in charge of making the schedule of who works when, and once I got people to email me back, it wasnapos;t so bad. I believe I am scheduled to work 19.5 hours a week and everyone else ranges from about 5 to 15.
It will be exciting, and will certainly give me something to do, and I hope it wont be too overwhelming being the assistant manager, I could have declined and just been a receptionist, but whatapos;s the fun in that?
Tomorrow I am back in to receive more shipments of furniture :)
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Hello everybody

actually, i rather fond of kyou kara maou. So� is there anyone who (at least) give me some maruma fic??

i know some maruma fic. The title is "Summer Child". Is there anyone have�that fic version complete?

thatapos;s because i canapos;t get that fic complete...

if so, can someone posting it to me? please, pretty PLEAAAAASEEEE???

i want it because i like conyuu pairing.....

onegai....

thank you very much
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am i saved

I havenapos;t written here in over a month. A lot has happened but also not that much.

First, the article has been written and a photographer came out two-ish weeks ago to take four million posed pictures of me. I donapos;t know when it will run in the paper, but it will in either the life or region section.

Second, Adrian and I�went to Baltimore and saw City and Colour. It was absolutely perfect.

Third, school is still going on and it still is not fun. I got a 100 on my first half of the elementary class and now I�switch teachers and have Dr. Houff twice a week. My middle school class is okay, I�am now with an elementary music teacher for another 5 weeks and educational psych is still boring.

Fourth, I started my two week practicum last week at Winding Creek. I�absolutely love it. I�cannot wait until I�can do that job all day. I�am really enjoying everything and my mentor teacher is unbelievably awesome. I�am done next Friday and I�am going to be really sad.

Fifth, I�am going to Africa for two weeks this summer. Assuming another 8 people sign up for the class, I�am going to Ghana at the end of June to go to Winnebaapos;s teacher college. I�will go to class for a week and will then do a practicum in schools around the town. Basically, I�will go to school for a week like a workshop and will then go teach. It is going to be crazy awesome. We will also be going to Accra which is the capital of Ghana and Elmina Castle which was one of the main slave castles on the Atlantic Slave Trade Route. We will be right on the Cape Coast. I�just found out tonight that my parents think it is a good idea and want to help me go. It is going to be so amazing. I�have always wanted to go to Africa. I�obviously wonapos;t get to do everything I�want to do on this trip, but I�will go back later in life like my parentapos;s went to Scotland. But for now, this is perfect. Now I have to get a passport and a visa and go get a lot of shots for diseases spread my mosquitos. That is what I�am scared about. I am a mosquito magnet. We found out that I�produce extra carbon dioxide or something that attracts them. They can sense me from a football fieldapos;s distance away. So I have to get shots for yellow fever and malaria. I�canapos;t drink the water because I�might get cholara and watch out for chicken and make sure it is thoroughly cooked because there is bird flu there... Yay. All that aside, I cannot wait.

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I cant sleep. I cant study. I must write. Itrsquo;s the only thing that feels right. Im changing my major. Fuck biology. Clearly im more passionate about writing. Ill find something with that. I feel like a failure. Idk how to tell my parents. My dad still swears that im going to become a lawyer. Idk what I want. Idk what anyone wants from me. I have no idea what im doing here. I havenrsquo;t the slightest clue why im breathing. Why must I be a part of this ldquo;existencerdquo;? my head constantly hurts from everything being cramped up. Right now, I swear its going to explode. I have so much on my mind, its unbearable. Wouldnt it be nice if I could get some rest? ahh, to fall asleep listening to sweet, sweet lullabies. To have someone to sing to me. I love when people sing to me. It doesnrsquo;t matter how good or bad they are. It just makes me feel like they trust me. Because there are few people I sing in front of. Few people that I know wont criticize me because I know they know its not about how well I sing.

�

It would be nice to find someone. Anyone. But someone who appreciated me. Someone who wouldnrsquo;t jusge me. Someone who didnrsquo;t care what I look like. Someone who saw past all my bullshit and really knew me. Without me even having to explain. I want someone who understand how I am. Not necessarily why I am, just how or what. Im afraid why would be getting too deep, too heavy, for someone. I wouldnrsquo;t want to put my burden on someone else. Idk if ill ever find someone who fits this. But if and when I do, the problem is would they want me to. And really want me. Would they be willing to fall just as hard as ive fallen for them. Thatrsquo;s what I need. Im much to fragile to be toyed with. And on top of that, im much to jealous of a person to be willing to share someone I felt so strongly about. Ya.. Ive definitely had my issues with jealousy. Sometimes I just look at a girl and instantly get jealous. Of nothing. Girls ive never met. Its ridiculous. Its such the woman in me. Ugh I hate estrogen. Haha look at me now. Thanks to estrogen in sitting in bed contemplating life and my current situation at 2:30 in the morning. Im shaking. My hands are having difficulty hitting the proper keys.

�

im tired of feeling. Im sick of constantly getting crushed. I only get lifted up to be further pressed to the bottom of the black, endless pit. Each fall just hit me that much harder. And lately, its been a well. And when I fall, I cant breathe. Its as though im drowning. Sadly, I never ask to be lifted. Because all I know is falling. And I just wish they could let me lie here. And just be. Im so sick of having such a mutilated heart. My heart is too heavy, it feels too much. The scar tissue must be unbelievable. No one has ever broken it. I break it myself. To save others from that guilt. I do it every time. I never let someone feel bad for hurting me. I put everything on myself. And yes, itrsquo;s a major fault. I need something to take my place, for I am retiring myself. My mind, body, and soul have been in overdrive for so long. Its time to give them a rest. Theyrsquo;ve been so overworked its not even funny. Especially lately.

�

ready, this is whats been going on in my life.

�

I broke up with spencer in early august. I fell out of love with him, thought hes my best friend who know little about me. But thatrsquo;s fine, because I know he truly cares about me. The, I met mat later in the month. Hes a completely selfish asshole. Which is what I need to be. But it was fun while it lasted. I knew from the moment I met him we were going to be good for each other. But it was nice using him to help me on my way getting over spencer. Just because im no longer in love with him, doesnrsquo;t mean I donrsquo;t still love him. Hes an amazing person. And im done keeping him to myself. Hell find someone who appreciates him more than I do. So I started talking to ryan again somewhere in between. Oh actually, found out his real name is Jordan. Ahh, funny stuff. But yep. It was over a year and� ahalf. God, it was torture. I used those months and months to get over him, to realize it� all wasnrsquo;t� real. But in doing so, all I found was that it was. Everything that truly mattered to me was real. He was the first person to take me in and love me. And really truly love me. Oh, how I miss him. How I miss the way things were. But its better now. He seems to be doing well. Now I just have to get out of this rut. But I cant. I donrsquo;t want to. Im still wanting and waiting for my someday. And I know its not coming. Hes all I want. He all I need. Everything. Hes all I want. Hes all I need. Everything. How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? would you tell me how could it be any better than this?� its been nice though. Somewhat satisfying. As much as im going to get out of this. But I donrsquo;t want to be his burden any longer. Id like for him to just forget about my feelings. And just live. Its what he always to me to do. Live for myself. And I need him to do the same. Idk what I want from him. Im content with how things have been going. But is that how its always going to be? im still in love with him. In many ways. In every way.

�

just when I thought I met someone new, it turns out he might have the same problem? but completely different. But im not sure. Idk what he means when he says he has nothgin to offer me. As far as I see it, no one has anything to offer me. Just friendship. Which is more than I can ask for. But still. Offer me what? what could someone not have to offer? isnrsquo;t that up to me to decide? just because someone doesnrsquo;t want to get involved, doesnrsquo;t mean I donrsquo;t see something in them that could possibly encourage me to get involved. Im easy to please. I think I know what im looking for. And I thought I found something somewhat close. But maybe not. Maybe its just another illusion. Maybe hes just another toy in my game. Its not a game though. Thatrsquo;s just the beginning. Finding out how to play. Then� finishing and maintaining what you got out of it and expaning it.� existing. Being. Living.

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[18:27] radiance: wow.
[18:27] radiance: WOW.
[18:28] mentelproblemz: WOWO?
[18:28] radiance: [18:27] radiance: BE JEALOUS OF MY BROWNIES
[18:28] radiance: YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THAT MOTHERFUCKER SAID
[18:28] mentelproblemz: what
[18:28] radiance: [18:27] LedZeppelinRGods: no.
[18:27] LedZeppelinRGods: im not
[18:28] mentelproblemz: WHAT THE FUCK
[18:28] radiance: SERIOUSLYS
[18:28] mentelproblemz: IF I DIDNT HAVE LIKE 4 TUBS OF BROWNIES
[18:28] mentelproblemz: ID BE OMW DOWN TO JERSEY
[18:28] mentelproblemz: READY TO SWIPE THOSE BROWNIES

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Out of all the blogs that Iapos;ve posted about love and dramas, I noticed I never blogged about my best friend. Well maybe only very seldom, and Iapos;d like to make one now. :-P

Of course I do have my own set of girl friends and my other friends who have really been there for me during good times and much more the toughest times Iapos;ve ever been through. And I do love them to bits, but without him, I canapos;t say that my group of "true friends" is complete, nearly complete. He really is like a brother to me already, that weapos;ve past that stage of falling for your guy/girl best friend coz weapos;ve gone through, literally, thick and thin. When he has the time, he visits me at school. Heapos;d even bring me home, weapos;d just take the bus. Heapos;d stay at our place until like 10pm even if itapos;s a school night, and heapos;d commute back home. My parents like him so much already. :)) Whenever I need him, he really is just one text away. Heapos;d be there for me, ALWAYS. No questions asked.I can say it really is different. :-) And I donapos;t feel embarassed when I tell him stuff that only girls should know. =)) Thatapos;s how comfortable we are with each other. He never demands anything else from me, and appreciates me Whenever I get into trouble, heapos;d find a way to get me out of it. :-P When I meet a new guy, heapos;s always the first one to know. :-) He treats me even if itapos;s totally unnecessary. Because the things that he do for me are so much already, I canapos;t even remember all of them. And of course Iapos;m not the only one dependent on him, he is on me too and I do the same for him. :-) His girlfriend never did get jealous of me coz she knows how tight and how deep our relationship is..
I really can say that we are gonna be best of friends forever. :-)

He really is that one and only guy who is permanent in my life already. Hehe.

I love you bro I hope you get to read this. :-)

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�Letapos;s try this again...

�

I think this is LJ nr 5 or something, but I wont count the others.

My biggest challenge was to find an avatar, which is somewhere over there, on my external HD, to much effort to actually plug it in. Ugh.

�

Im Effy, I found some friends on here this time, I presuuume. You can NEVER be certain on the internet, I mean, everyone is faking it.�

�

I should really get my breakfast ready cus Iapos;m running out of time, gotta take the 13.51 train from National.�

�

Ok this entry got short...

�

Basically, Hi, iapos;m Effy, lets try again

Ps: Attempts used on copy/pasting�= 5
�

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